Who doesn’t love having a three-way sexy time session with two hot sluts? Assuming the two hot sluts aren’t plastic blowup dolls but Ashton Kutcher and a plastic Demi Moore instead. Yes, fuck times with slebs who like extras. Don’t pretend you haven’t been there already.
According to Radar, Twitter‘s hottest couple-that-aren’t-anymore, worked their game with an open marriage and Demi enjoyed snatch as much as Ashton’s peen. A source queefed out this statement, with a dirty smirk:
“They would have threesomes. Demi liked women and Ashton would bring another woman into their relationship for flings, but they both agreed to it.Demi is attracted to women just as much as men, so she didn’t always get all she needed from Ashton. That’s why she didn’t mind having women in the relationship as long as she was involved.
If he wanted to do anything as long as she knew about it she was fine. It was the sneaky ones when he got caught that infuriated Demi.”
Dear witness, this is what REAL romance looks like. Don’t hate on the love between a man, a woman and their extra cooch. Love is blind…..full of sex toys….and three b-holes.
Only days agoJennifer Love Hewitt was trying to bring back the sex again, with come hither tit poses at the Breaking Dawn premiere in L.A.
Now look at her (above) SANS FARDS, with “why can’t I keep a man? I will even give him this frozen yoghurt as a dowry!” face. That’s the same look we all make when we’ve just been dumped or we’ve got the hard shits. It’s sad, lonely and constipated face! Jen is letting the world know that her bowels need some new man lube after Jarod Einsohn cancelled her subscription to his peen. Even the ‘E’ fell of her hoodie because love don’t love her anymore.
Jarod meanwhile is thanking Tiffany‘s for showing him a diamond noose when Jen suggested he pay them a visit to see the rings she’d picked out for her next victim. You know, just so he knew what his other options were.
Just like that, an unlikely and worthy challenger has emerged in the Camel Toe Stampede and is ready to snatch away that crown from Jessie J! Start stomping those toes, ladies!
We give you……..KITTY!
We pity the children who probably werein need after her performance at Bluewater for the charity on Saturday. In need of a good eyeball bleaching after being forced to watch her plumped-up flaps clap to the melody of her screeching something by Lady Ha Ha (probably).
Now if you’ll excuse us, we’re off to find a meaty entree to chew on..
*Hint* ….he could be the public schoolboy in the fetching blazer and deck shoes on the right?
Yes, they set fire to waste bins, cars, homes, businesses – like the evil flames which set fire to my ears whenever I hear Cher Lloyd sing. They looted shops and ran off into the night with flat screens, the latest K-Swiss and in one case of a woman in Brixton who could now give Nicki Minaj a run for her money – a complete set of weaves.
All of this from the yoofs – the same yoofs our Government supports with free SMA ‘HTBGAHF food vouchers – have two babies, get a house free), social care, benefits to pay for the studded collars on their Staffordshire bull terriers, trips abroad to meet Mickey and Minnie when they rob someone, and free healthcare after they’ve cut their hand smashing in a window to steal the latest Blackberry. Ever heard of waiting until they go on sale?! And yet I’m still waiting to see one of these disenfranchised teens (or feral little bastards as I prefer to call them) steal a suit so they can go out and get a friggin job like the rest of us. Weed obviously doesn’t grow on trees it seems.
The events which have occured across London over the past few days and nights are proof that people can get angry, and for no real reason. They can also spread chaos, and for no real reason too. Angry like the time I watched a female fan hurl their version of a Molotov cocktail at a bouncer when he wouldn’t let them in to a Brother Beyond gig in Peterborough. Except there’s was made from a scrunched up poster of Nathan and their clipper lighter only singed the singer’s eyebrows and then the flames blew out in the wind. Bouncer 1 Angry Fan 0. Hardcore, innit.
Seriously, I could go all political on your arse right now, and if my best friend Prosecco was here, I would. But for now, and because I have coffee and can see straight, I just want to say to each and every one of those thugs ruining people’s lives and livelihoods – make love (preferably with protection so the rest of us don’t have to support you) and NOT WAR!
As Michael, Lionel, Dionne and Tina Turner‘s hair sang in 1985, WE ARE THE WORLD, WE ARE THE CHILDREN. So let’s do the right thing, let’s make it a better future for these troubled, angry, destructive yobs – let’s ship them off to Afghanistan, leave them there and bring our troops home.
We feel more sorry for the girl on her phone, walking into the airport behind Lady GahGah, who so obviously didn’t expect to be papped in her “not for public consumption” clothes.
Please, if you’re going to travel in comfort clothing to the airport, don’t be wearing leggings if you have knees that insist on meeting each other every five minutes and thighs that remind people of that Iberico Ham joint they had problems getting through customs in Madrid.
Serena Williams has dick crusher thighs and you just know she flipped the c*nt switch when she told the stylist responsible for her take on ‘Tranny In Pink’, “I swear to God, make this shit fit or I’m gonna take this ball and shove it up your god damn blowhole.”
She’s threatening for a good time. For some people that’s a chat-up line right there. But she’s too much man for me.
When I look at the tennis player, papped at the ESPY Awards, I just can’t help but think she has pores that would blow new kinds of perspiration if she were to make a sex tape. And it would be hardcore, because after she’s knocked back a few large cups of camel toe, thrown you down on the bed and asked you to kiss every inch of her culo, you would lose the use of your lips and go blind tackling those dumpling mountains. See proof below…
Last year Helen Mirren kicked the liquid cement face of Megan Fox to the curb when she beat the actress to scoop Esquire magazine’s Sexiest Woman Alive competition. And now Helen baby is back, this time wearing nothing but a Union Jack flag for a shoot with the magazine. Hur and Rah!
Since we usually only see 20-somethings with their ass cheeks glued to their chest around here, it’s nice to finally kind-of-peek at some organic and well-seasoned chichis!! Tits that have seen some life! Tits who can write their own memoirs! Anyways, enough waffle. Here, gawp at just how bloody great Helen looks. Take that the rest of you image and age obsessed freaks ironing out your frowns.
Kris Kardashian - MotherHo Pimp to a brood of supersize asses – recently passed her face through a photoshop machine in order to keep up with husband Bruce Jenner‘s faces - who if I REALLY squint my eyes when I see him, makes me hum the theme song to Twin Peaks. He’s a kindofbutnot Kyle MacLachlan lookalikee. Well, Kyle after a block of dry ice fell on his face.
E! and The Daily Mail report that the MotherHo underwent a little nip/tuck around the neck and eyes, but didn’t opt for the full “My face is about to bust out of my face” look. Like Jenner. And Janice Dickinson. And Joan Rivers. Because no matter how much you try and pin back the years, let’s be honest, nobody wants to look like a re-puposed madam mask.
The MotherHo may say the surgeon’s knife only tinkered with her face a little, but you know when I look at her, I just can’t help but see this….
To find out everything you ever wanted to know about the influence of the 18th Century on modern fashion, you may want to visit an exhibition currently being held at The Palace of Versailles, in collaboration with the Musée Galliera in Paris.
From haute couture to ready-to-wear, the exhibition captures fifty key looks by designers from the 20th century, which reflect 18th century dress – with archives from couture houses and the Galliera’s own private collections helping to build the exhibition.
Madame de Pompadour, Madame Du Barry and Marie-Antoniette were all paragons of the spirit and frivolity within French culture in the 18th century – influencing the European courts of the time and continuing to inspire cinema, literature and fashion throughout the years that followed.
One of the designers who drew inspiration from the 18th century, for a collection entitled Portrait in 1990/1991, was Dame Vivienne Westwood. For the A/W collection, Boucher paintings were printed onto corsets and ample pannier dresses were decorated with mischievous cherubs. Westwood continued to draw on trends and themes from The Age of Enlightenment as inspiration for her collections. A fervent advocate of the art of tailoring, the British designer used ribbons instead of safety pins and masterfully assembled her subversive historical models.
As one of fashion’s iconic trailblazers, Westwood set the trend for future collections, with designers including Karl Lagerfeld for Chanel and Christian Lacroix all following suit.
Le XVIIIeme au goût du jour (The 18th Century Back In Fashion) opened on July 8 and runs until October 9, 2011 at Grand Trianon, Versailles, France.
Kate Lawson – Fashion Journalist & Fashion Editor Showbiz-i
This is the vid (below) for JLS‘ new track, She Makes Me Wanna featuring someone called Dev. Where’s Sunita, that’s what we wanna know.
If you like your boys served up in fluoro and pastels, synchronised dancing to within an inch of their backflips and Aston prancing around on some rocks in Miami with his top off, then this video has your name written all over it. Just remember to wipe your computer screen afterwards. Oh, and thanks to band member Marvin Humes who reckons the new vid is “hot”. Uh and huh. Frankly I could roll up at the school gates and see a sessier looking bunch of boyband amateurs with complicated haircuts and jeans around their ankles.
She Makes Me Wanna is released in the UK on July 24.
