Thank you Steven Klein for gifting me (oh ok, ALL of us) these two images of Rafael Nadal for the Emporio Armani Underwear/Armani Jeans campaign. Did someone say HOT?!!!
Kate Lawson – Fashion Editor, Showbiz-i
Follow Kate @katelawson_
Archive for August 30, 2011
Something (Very) Nice To Look At
Category: Style & Vile /
Tags: armani campaign, fashion writer, kate lawson, rafa nadal, showbiz-i.com, Something (Very) Nice To Look At
Ryan Reynolds For M&S, What In The Percy Pigs?!
No we haven’t been on the pina colada’s, Marks and Spencer have ACTUALLY hired Ryan Reynolds (and some bint called Rosie Huntington-Whiteley) to be the faces of their new Autograph collection!!
Shot by BAFTA awards photographer Greg Williams at the St Pancras Grand in London, here’s Ryan giving us one of his signature smoulders (it’s the face that dumb actors with nice muskles do all the time).
Ryan and Rosie doing AW11 happily together is like the scrunched up fists I get when I see Chelsea chavvy Davy directing her vagina in Prince Hot Hazza‘s direction. So yeah, I’ll be the one in M&S stores ripping the posters down and screaming “NO, HE LOVES ME, HE SAID HE’LL BUY ME A SCARF, I WILL NOT LEAVE TILL RYAN BUYS ME A SCARF”.
Our ‘Back The Fuck-Up’ Story Of The Day
Everybody place the words “fuck off” on the tip of your tongue, because it will launch out of your mouth as soon as you read the next sentence. Get ready. Cockgobbler Alex Reid has revealed that he and his toy pony with eyelashes like a dustpan brush (aka Chantelle Houghton) are ready to bring another fameHo into this world.
AND RELEASE!!!
The Renée and Renato of this generation are still flogging the dead horse that is their relationship, with Reid telling Now magazine: ”It’s on both our minds. It’s a scary but exciting time. We’re not putting any pressure on each other.
“I’m ready for kids. I’m ready now and I think she’s the right girl. We need to sort living arrangements and get a few things in order.
“I’ve been ready for a while. And now I just know I’ve found the right person.”
Are those lips puckered yet? Uh huh, we’re puckering harder than Alex’s tuck-away at this news. That poor baby. Not only will it have a Mother who proclaims she’s “in love” on the cover of OK! Magazine every other week, dumb bitch! But every time it opens its eyes it’s going to see the hemorrhoid face of its Father staring back….and a baby’s first words just shouldn’t be “GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF HERE!”.
Category: The Awful Truth /
Tags: alex reid, baby, chantelle hougton, Our 'Back The Fuck-Up' Story Of The Day, showbiz-i.com, WTF?
Becks….The Boy With The Fuck Me Eyes
“Cupid, draw back your bow……”
Return Of The Prince!
There’s really not much to say about Prince Hot Hazza‘s dancing at a nightclub in Croatia, other than…watch it for yourself below:
But if you do start to think of your Dad, constipation, a school disco and that bad Ecstasy trip you once had; then you’re thinking along the same lines as us. If you’re also thinking of Hot Hazza dripping wet all over your no-no, then you’re our kinda gal/guy.
Category: We'll be the judge of that /
Tags: coatia, dancing, prince harry, Return Of The Prince!, showbiz-i.com
Served Inside A Terrine Of Sarcasm….
Cher must’ve summoned her assistant with the crowbar to pry her eyelids up when she heard the news that Chaz Bono is part of the new line-up for season 13 of Dancing with the Stars!!
Alongside David Arquette, Rob Kardashian, Kristin Cavallari (aka “The Desperates”), and other famewhores (including George Clooney‘s ex-coke hoover, Elisabetta Canalis), Chaz will show her dance partner exactly what it’s like to teach a Sumo wrestler to Tango. With at least three or four men in one go.
So, once you’ve talked your genitals off of the ledge, you can watch the show when it airs in the US on Sep 19th.
Matthew Fox May Have Punched Someone In The Vag And Tits
Lost actor Matthew Fox is currently shooting a movie in Cleveland, Ohio, and on Saturday night he decided it was time to forget he was in Ohio and and party like he’s on an island-hopping booze binge.
The star allegedly necked too much of the sweet nectar and ended up trying to gatecrash a bus and assault Heather Borman, the female driver. According to reports, Fox was detained by Police after he used his drunken party of five fingers rolled into a punch, and went straight for Borman‘s vag n tits! The driver had allegedly tried a number of times to keep Fox away from the vehicle which had been rented for a stag do.
She told TMZ:
“I told him he was trespassing. He never once said anything. He just looked at me with his mouth open.
“I told him, ‘You have to leave, buddy. You are trespassing on my bus.’ (Then he) leaned in and started punching my crotch and breast.
“I took one hand to his jaw and he was spitting blood. He stumbled backwards.
“This was my self-defense. This was the only way I could protect myself…from a man beating up on a woman.”
Now, we’re not condoning violence or anything, but that bitch can drive our night bus any day – and luckily, both her tits and no-no are doing just fine thank you. But since the incident, Borman admitted she has a strained wrist and plans to file assault charges.
Fair enough we say, what kind of guy punches a woman in the vag? Is this what they’re teaching ‘em now at The Chris Brown School Of Fisty Cunts?
Category: W is for WTF?! /
Tags: Matthew Fox May Have Punched Someone In The Vag And Tits, showbiz-i.com
Rosie HW. Photoshop Says No.
We already know that Jason Statham is Rosie Huntington-Whiteley‘s dream, mainly because she can see her reflection in his head without bending down too much. But when she bends that reflection is screaming “GOOD GOD DRAW THE CURTAINS, QUICK!!’ because apparently the mod is so fuggers – the airbrushers and p-shoppers at GQ pressed the ‘just delete and go to the pub’ button, after seeing pics of her from a recent shoot.
A spokesperson for the glossy mag said the July issue will be sans some snaps of Rosie’s pout because:
“They just weren’t as visually compelling. We wanted the photos to tell a story, to evoke a certain bucolic aesthetic.”
Yes, we googled it. Apparently bucolic means “of or pertaining to shepherds; pastoral. Of, or pertaining to, or suggesting an idyllic rural life”. Hmm….perhaps a legs-akimbo-on-her-back-in-a-field Rosie, in nothing but rubber wellies with her growler died the colour of a fox and a farmer driving past in his tractor mouthing “Ooooh aaaaaaaaaah slut” at her would’ve been more apt. Just saying.
A Bey-Z Is Coming…..
Not that we can tell by that “knocked-up pose” or anything?….
Barbie And Ken WED!!!
Kim Kardashian and her one braincell-short-of-a-braincell-looking-new-hubby-Kris Humphries got married recently. Tumbleweed blew through our office.
Barbie and Gay Ken also got married recently. OH HOW WE THREW A PARTY!! And then wondered if Tom Cruise had gifted Ken his two twink best-men in plaid? Hmm…
Here’s Ken getting ready for his big day (below), which was all about pink corvettes, rubber heels and fauxpearl earrings. Barbie wore a white dress or something like that. Look at Ken smile with his twinks. Bless.
Later that evening, shit got serious when Barbie realised she had no damn genitals or nipples and couldn’t get a wedding night shag. Meanwhile, Ken (who did have a mound-come-genital-thing) falls into a deep depression because he can’t reveal he prefers peen over Barbie’s cooch, and he turns into a world of drugs and whoring his mound around bars picking up twinks (not in plaid).
Until one night Barbie follows him in her sports car, realises what he’s been up to and cuts off his mound with her big pink Katie Price endorsed kitchen scissors. If Barbie can’t fuck, neither can Ken!!
And yes, I may have had a glass or two of wine this lunchtime.
