Adele – the singer who makes you want to rock up at your ex’s house under the influence of pain and gin, playing “Someone Like You” on repeat until you throw up (or get arrested) – will reportedly cover the March 2012 / Spring / Power Issue of American Vogue. Fashmagslags WWD also claim that the singer will wear specially-made plus size clothes in the shoot – SERIOUSLY?!

Since when was Adele SO FAT AS FUCK that she couldn’t fit into clothes which are a size 14+?! SPECIALLY MADE?! Next they’ll be claiming that Anna Wintour will also feature on the cover, wearing a “tsk tsk tsk” look on her face while perching on an inflatable cheeseburger.

There’s nothing wrong with embracing a bit of the chunk FFS! and Adele’s hardly wrestling small ponies to the ground for breakfast is she? So let’s just hope this story is as crap as the recycled plastic jugs used to make Meg Ryan’s face. Besides, Anna may raise her snooty smug schnozz and get shivers when she sees a fat stomach - but it’s nothing compared to the shivers we get when she smiles. That smile says the death eater is coming to get you, and when she’s finished sucking the blood from your veins – she’ll shave your hair off and use it to make more bobs to cover her bald head.

Let’s just hope poor Adele doesn’t end up like Jennifer Hudson on the cover of US Vogue in 2007 (below). Anna must’ve really hated her. Just look at that big ole open mouth? It’s like she’s saying “I’m ready for my double hot dog with cheese Mr DeMille“. Not hot. Not hot at all.

Not only does Lizzi Cundy look like a Bratz doll, the one dressed like she works the streets in nothing but a thong and thigh-high boots - but she also looks like she sleeps hanging upside down because she can no longer enjoy the simple pleasures of a gentle dick slap to the forehead. TOO MUCH BOTOX!

On a lighter note, whatever her eyebrow game is, we should bow down in respect. The finished result is something to marvel at, especially the way the vein in the middle of her forehead connects with the left one. STUNNING.

Jessie J in an outfit that’s as frazzled as our nerves whenever she appears on stage and our automatic eye roll starts to kick in. How many times do we need to say this? She needs to take the emergency exit and find a stylist who doesn’t hate her.

The only saving grace about this latest catsuit costume foolery, is that her labia lips aren’t trying to suck us in for once.

If you liked Uma Thurman‘s dress for the LACMA Inaugural Art & Film Gala in LA on Saturday night, you can probably find it in the “tent and outdoor shelters section” of your local camping supplies shop (aka Millets).

Check out that look on her face that says, “Yeah, I got THIS.” No Uma, you SO haven’t.

Naomi Campbell pays homage to Duran Duran frontman Simon Le Bon, by dressing like something a 3* star hotel reception in Bayswater spat out, in a new shoot for Harper’s Bazaar (below).

Surely if the stylist wanted to capture the REAL ESSENCE of Simon (bloat and hog nipples), they should’ve gone for a pose more like this…

Whoever told Jared Leto he looked good in red and needed to use all the brushes in his dressing table draw to get that look……SHOULD BE PUNCHED. HARD.