So we all know that the eternal cokey, Lindsay Lohan, recently posed for Playboy in some kind of attempt to redeem (aka destroy) her career, and you’ll recall that Hugh Hefner told The Insider this about that:

“It’s a classic tribute inspired by the original Tom Kelly nude pictorial of Marilyn Monroe, a portion of which was the original playmate in the very first issue of Playboy. Oh yes. And classy, very classy.” 

Ok. You see that last part, the “classy, very classy” bit? Firstly, Hugh Hefner can just about remember what flavour of Complan he had for dinner this evening, let alone who Tom Kelly is. Secondly, if we were talking about Michelle Williams in “My Week With Marilyn”, then we’re talking all kinds of classy copy + paste Marilyn. But we’re not. We’re talking Lilo, and no amount of industrial-strength Photoshop is EVER going to make her look classy. Or like Marilyn. Not even with airbrushing out the methtastic freckled roughness that is her face, placing a highly flammable weave on her bonce and wearing a fightin’ shade of lippie on her signature collagen labia lips.

Thank heavens for small mercies though, at least her nooks and crannies had the day off for this cover, which incidentally is called “The Last Nail In My Career Coffin: The One Where I Replaced My Legs With Twiglets”.

Smear your retina’s on Lilo’s ‘A CHEQUE IS A CHEQUE‘ (to pay the rent) pose below, the one I’ve been saving all my exclamation points for.

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Kate Lawson – Guest Writer, Showbiz-i.com 

Follow @katelawson_