Because JLo is no longer being boned by Skeletor‘s bones, she’s now free to shove her breakfast, lunch and Thanksgiving dinner in the bulge of young Casper Smart, the 24-year-old dancer rumoured to be using his own junior spit as lube for her snatch. And there is absolutely nothing wrong with working it like a desperate hooker, OK? We’re happy that Jlo’s liberated and horny vagina is fucking with someone who makes us think of ass cheeks when we see his chest, even if he does look like he’s one braincell short of one braincell.

But let’s not judge JHo, we’ve all been there when our “low down” area needed tweaking with (don’t pretend you haven’t woken up with a red-raw glitter hole and the twink next to you doesn’t even know how to call you a cab back to loserville). Sometimes we all need a moment with a muscle bag of peen and dumbness, and hey, Sunday morning mass is still 3′ish days away so let’s not do this to ourselves right now.

Seeing as Kate Moss is probably still resting her head inside of a comfortable toilet bowl right now, it doesn’t take much to work out why she left The Box t’other night looking like most of us will this evening after a bottle of gin and several Martini chasers. A mess on the pavement basically. But let’s not be too harsh on poor Kate’s frazzled brain which looks to be instructing her eyelids to shut – let’s blame the pesky pap who took it instead. When all else fails, use the “I wasn’t drunk, the photographer was drunk” excuse.

This picture is about as awkward as the side hug you give to a one night shag partner (who got soft mid-thrust and started to cry about not being able to perform) when you bump into them on the street- and this picture also tells us that Nicole Sherminger probably isn’t  getting that second interview with Lewis Hamilton’s penis. Not that she should’ve been dicking out with someone who looks and dresses like they’re about 8-years-old in the first place.

To quote two of the dusty opinions about fat people which came from under Joan Collins’ exquisite wig once:

1. Fat people are ”orca-sized oafs from planet girth”.

2. “They are digging their graves with their own teeth. I think to be terribly overweight is incredibly unhealthy. And how do they get into a tiny lavatory on a plane? I feel sorry for them, I do.”

Gemma Collins from TOWIE definitely needs to start following the Olsen Twins diet. You know, the one where you carry a piece of leaf on your back to the ant hill for dinner. Then throw it back up afterwards.