Holy…. If we had a heart, it would have stopped beating after looking at these pics of Vadge throwing shade at Jessica Biel‘s homage to Miss Havisham on the Golden Globes red carpet last night – by stepping on that mess of material which belongs on a corpse bride.
Not content with burning the petals of every hydrangea in the land with her stare, or sharpening her claws on the bones of third world orphans; Vadge will have used her best manufactured British accent to apologise to Jessica, laced with shit balls of “take one look at this broad honey – and thank god for the priceless gift that is ME“.
But everyone knows the apology should’ve come from her publicist Liz Rosenberg instead. Those peons around Vadge should be on the damn ground!!, making themselves a human carpet, so that her exquisite old lady heels don’t have to touch the floor at all. FIRE THAT LAZY BEETCH MADGE!!
Peaches’ fiance Thomas Cohen still looks like the kind of girl Woody Allen would like to fool around with and then marry. His hair should also be slapped with a *warning, do not approach* sign from the Department of Health. Since when did hair like a hairy no-no go well with a three-piece? Fashion critics? Anyone?
Yes, as if homewrecking queen Sienna Miller getting knocked up wasn’t reason enough to start digging an underground bunker, then this news will be enough. SHOVELS AT THE READY!
Those poor poor babies. Sienna and her indie shag piece (Tom Sturridge) are such hipster kidz that their spawn will exit her marriage-vow-destroying vagina in a vintage poncho. Whereas Peaches is obv so twisted in the brains she’ll give her baby the name of an STD that only affects My Little Ponies and publicity whores who do magazine shoots that just scream “WRITE ABOUT ME!!!!” And here we are doing just that.
Here’s some pics from the blokey version of Showgirls starring Channing Tatum with lickable waxed nipples - Steven Soderbergh’s Magic Mike - dubbed by MTV as “the male eye candy movie event of the year“. Basically it’s a male stripper epic and it better be full of dressing room dick-slapping and cruising seedy bars for an extra scratch or we’re not paying for a ticket.
Look, it’s the Showguys!
See for yourself here.
Brad Pitt circa 1996 channelling Fabio’s first baby hairs on the cover of W magazine February 2012. Yes, we still would. But only if he spoke to us with an Italian accent, and brought his pimp Daddy cane lubed up to poke us with. And talking of hot Papa Pitt’s cane, we’re surprised Ange’s forehead vein still hasn’t leapt to the rescue to support him as he hobbles along on a fucked-up knee.
You just know that Jodie Foshhhhhhter is also ruhuuuuuully jealous of Brad’s hair right now too.
Proving she’s no longer breathing in the lonely dust that Olivier Martinez humps out of Halle Berry a few countries away from her (because she’s shagging another hot man piece who speaks funny now) – Kylie Minogue twatted this little message to her ex at the news he’s officially going to marry the crazy out of Halle whose been hitched #3times and her first divorce from David Justice left her so sad (aka, fucked-up), that she almost gassed herself and her dog to death in a garage. Poor dog.
We all wish our exes would take the next GET THE FUCK OUT OF TOWN fast train, because you can’t walk down the damn street without bumping into a penis you used to ride on during happier times. So clap clap to Kylie for showing she can move on from the days where she and Olivier would just spend all afternoon sucking the escargot chunks out of each other’s mouth.
Freshman in just their kecks washing a car? what better way to lose your pants of an afternoon. And for your extra fapping pleasure (aka, the full uncensored version), visit the Andrew Christian website, where things get even more wet ‘n nekkid.
This is a homo masterpiece that will scoot glittery skid marks of peeña colada lube through every single category in the MTV VPA’s (video penis awards).