Not only did Chaz Bono say bye bye to his bagina, now he’s saying bye bye to his fiancee Jennifer Elia and wants to bump his gut-tyres with a new piece. Even though the couple only announced their engagement a few months ago, Jennifer it seems is what’s commonly known as a ‘lazy fucker’ who just wants to attach her lips to a bottle of booze and moan about being un-employed and having a partner who orders the XL meal of Snookitina’s thighs-in-BBQ sauce at the drive-thru. A source told The National Enquirer:
“Chaz is totally over the relationship. His parting shot to Jen made her realise there was no turning back. He told her, ‘I can do better than you.’ He wanted someone who could ride the wave of success with him but found Jen too much of a downer. Chaz is already on the lookout for someone new and made it clear to Jen. He told her, ‘I’ve tried, but you just aren’t right for me. I’ve got to move on.’
Jen constantly gripes about not being able to find a job and her lack of money. She nags at Chaz about his weight and for the last few months her insomnia has been so bad that they don’t even sleep together.
When she drinks, Jen becomes a completely different person. Chaz just can’t handle her then.”
Yada yada. We know the REAL reason why Chaz ditched her beard. Her eyebrows!! Jen’s Lolita brows are the reason she can’t get a job – potential employers won’t work with her unless she stops plucking ‘em! But something tells us Jen’s probably glad it’s all over, at least now she doesn’t have to pose with a fat lesbian in a suit on the red carpet anymore.
Tara PT probably woke up this morning with a power outage in her head, flooding in her kecks caused by drunk pissing herself, and a flat that looks like it’s been done over by the fat Kardashian hunting for food – after the Socialite decided to play an early morning game of one messy booze bitch trying to make cheese on toast.
This is Tara threatening us all with a good time after celebrating her 40th birthday at The Brompton Club in London last night. Bless her friend who looks like a cross between a blonde Mama Cass and Peter Kay as ‘Geraldine‘ (Hot), trying to hold her up before she disappears up her own coke hole.
Talking of holes, at least her schnozz has finally got itself in check.
Look at Harry Judd and Dougie Poynter stroking out our endorphins after the Strictly Come Prancing final on Saturday night. Yup, that’s why your panties ripped themselves off and you found yourself holding your penis in one hand and a pint glass of Tesco value gin in the other. And there you were thinking that zumba class made your muskle queefs stronger. Nope, it was the all-mighty simultaneous thrust of hot man pieces on the dancefloor! Staple your panties down to your desk and relive it all over again HERE!
Showbiz-i favourite, Tilda Swinton has today been nominated in the Best Actress category at the 2012 Golden Globes, taking place in LA in January.
For the full list of nominees, you’ll need to head HERE – and talking of Tilda (we looooooooooooooooooooooove her), the critically acclaimed We Need to Talk About Kevin - which picked up the award for Best Director at this year’s British Independent Film of the Year Awards, and also scooped the 2011 London Film Festivalfor Best Film - is released on DVD & Bluray on February 27th, 2012.
The Assbender appears in the opening scene of the film below (that’ll be Shame then), sprawled on a bed with his sleeping penis in a post-cum state. But that’s not out for us to fap in the back row of the cinema over until January.
In the meantime, have Assbender’s peen and butt cheeks from the 2008 film, Hunger (below). We’ve heard his dick is the sort you want to strap around a steering wheel for security or spoon with on a sofa….you know, the type that’s so large it’ll make your hairline jump back to praise the lord. So yes, we’re very much looking forward to seeing it. And the film.
No that isn’t Vadge with her back to us on the right, but if you look hard you will spot a roid-popping Russian bodybuilder (take as long as you need) – and we just know you’re sitting there thinking only one thing, “I wonder how big his penis is?”.
Tis a shame we can’t see the front of blondie’s nut-hugging shorties, but the rear will do for now, mainly because they’re so tight he couldn’t even catch a fart in those. Tight enough to practically hear the threads screaming for mercy with every strut he takes. There’s just one thing missing on his right butt cheek…. he totally needs a tajazzling.
How do you sell some pieces of trash? (like some of Lizzie Taylor’s old ugly joo-ree). By throwing it on another piece of trash to try and dazzle it up! (aka Kim Kardashian). Yep, the fameHo of all fameHo’s dropped $65,000 for three jade and Lorraine Schwartz diamond bracelets in the $115.9 million auction of the actress’ jewellery at Christie‘s in New York.
If you look below, you’ll see an example of how having shitloads of money doesn’t necessarily mean you have taste. Elizabeth Duke at Argos much?
It’s Xmas times, which means you’ll have to move your late-night back alley blow job sessions to someone’s porch or a beer garden with a heated lamp for smokers – and it also means year-round posers like Daniel Garofali gift us their bodies and bulges in a calender we can fap over.
Daniel’s 2012-2013 lookee-at’ee thing, made using the second best disposable camera on the market and the finest paper the pound shop offers, is on sale now via his website and Amazon. Apparently, he’s going to give half of his profits to KIVA.org - they give loans to poor people around the world so they can buy new teef and shoes…or something like that. The other half of his profits will go towards the “Get This Curly-Haired Slut Some Smaller Tighter Shorts Fund.”
Daniel is selling himself, not because his bank account has flatlined….but because he’s one hot bitch. The End.