Archive for October 29, 2010

Variety-Speak: Film Industry Polari

We like Variety. Wha? No, seriously, Variety, the heathen film industry’s Bible since 1905, is very nice. It is also nice because it has its own slang. It likes that it made up new vernacular for Hollywood. As we all know, jargon is good because keeps out the interlopers. Jargon makes everything all mysterious.

Problem is, like Polari, the once-secret language of gay people in the UK, Variety-speak is not such a mystery anymore. If I said to you, “It was boffo at the box office,” you’d know exactly what I was saying. You’d think I was a billion years old and sort of thick, but you’d get it.

Well, Variety, when it isn’t suing bands for using its font, isn’t a wallflower neither when it comes to self-publicity. So, to that end, the mag (that’s ‘magazine’) has pubbed (‘published’) it own dictionary (place where words are) to the cute little word usements it ‘prints’ (puts mark on paper) and splashes around online.

You can find the Variety word list here. But, you know, there are only a few words you won’t get because, like Polari, the world has been Variety-ized already. We don’t really need no stinkin’ dictionary. We talk pretty long time.

Don’t believe me? Take this test:

Polari Words: bijou, butch, camp, cottage, dish, fruit, gelt, glossies.
Variety Words: hype, horse opera, indie, jingle, Kiwi, legit, lens, legs.
Words you don’t understand from those two lists: Zip. Zilch. Keine. Nessun. Niets. Nul. Nil. Zero.

We here at Showbiz-i have our own slang too.

Natch.

This is the dictionary where Variety keeps its ‘special’ words.

He’s My Monster, He’s My Doctor, He’s My Monster…

That would have been the dialogue of Frankenstein if author Mary Shelley had also written ‘Chinatown’… but she didn’t.

Meanwhile, the star of TV’s Sherlock Holmes Benedict Cumberbatch is going to star onstage with Scottish actor Jonny Lee Miller in a new London stage play directed by ’127 Hours’ film director Danny Boyle.

So far, it sounds normal – but why get a film director to do a stage play?

Here’s the twist: Cumberbatch and Miller will alternate playing Dr Frankenstein and his monster at London’s National Theatre starting in February 2011.

This clever casting will stop the boys fighting over who gets the juiciest role. Of course, this could also mean a contest of dueling actors in Mary Shelley‘s tale of reanimation which was written in 1818 and had it’s most famous film outing in 1931.

The stage door will be brimming with jonnies and janies asking stupid questions to both stars, “Why did Angelina Jolie divorce you?”, “Do you really live on Baker Street?” and “You’re so much smaller in person.”

Danny Boyle, coming off a Fellowship award-winning London Film Festival run, said, “I thought it would be really interesting if they could play each other’s roles every other night. It is very much a two-hander, that’s the engine of the piece, and it’s nice because it puts the accent on performance and not on make-up.”

But who’s going to play the little girl?

UPDATED: Your Scariest Film – and mine?

Maybe this film scares you the most?

Or this one?

Or this?

There are horror films (‘Wolf Creek’), frightening films (‘Invasion of the Bodysnatchers’ and probably anything directed by Madonna), spooky films (‘Paranormal Activity’) and then there are the classics… the ones that you watch, thinking, “Yeah, I’ll grow up some day and this film won’t make me want to avoid that dark room in the house…” But it never happens. You never grow up. You’re always afraid. Those films – and they are individual to each of us – touch something within that never goes away, something primal. Fear is about survival, about being wary of what we don’t know and what can hurt us.

One of these days I’ll be able to watch my scariest film without going to bed that night feeling weird. Someday. When I grow up.

Me? I am always scared, every time, every year, every viewing of this film. Here. (You can always rent it here; not scary at all.)

Got any scary clips that will make me rush for the lightswitch tonight? Stick ‘em in the comments: edify me?

(The scariest catbox filler in the world.)

Topshop to launch ‘Pop-Up’ Magazine night!

Just because we can’t get enough of Topshop, the uber hot high street retailer is running a ‘Pop-Up Magazine’ at two of its stores in November.

Featuring a series of style talks from a soon-to-be announced industry expert – you can get the lowdown on this seasons A/W must-have trends and the latest on what you should be wearing to those all important Christmas parties!

Two makeup artists will also be on hand to give makeovers, consultations and styling tips direct from the S/S 11 shows.

There will also be a competition running with the in-store team snapping the best dressed customers to be featured on an instore ‘Best in Show’ wall. So make sure you strike a pose!

The first and second prizes are a £250 and £100 gift card so get up or down (depending on where you live) to the Nottingham store on the 3rd November and Manchester Arndale Centre store on the 11th November.

And don’t forget, you can also buy Kate Moss‘ 14th and last collection which launches on the 2nd November across all stores – with the flagship Oxford Street (London) store opening from 8am to celebrate the fashion icon’s final range.

Kate Lawson – Fashion Editor, Showbiz-i

Follow Kate @katelawson_

The Big Screen Tonight

Tons of movies out there, but which one to see? Let me give you a guided tour on what’s on the big screen this week  – keeping in mind that you may really need to see a spooky film this Halloween weekend… so why not start with…

…’Burke & Hare’, legendary comedic director John Landis’ return to directing in twelve years had us all aflutter to see how good it is. Weirdly, though, the screenings were sparse: we saw more of this film on the sides of buses than we did in the critics’ screening rooms. So, yes, it is a good-looking, well intended comedy with terrific performances (especially from a then-pregnant Isla Fisher), great cinematography and lot of warm fuzzies. Alas, it is not the yonkfest we wanted but it will do. Simon Pegg proves he has drama chops – the man can hold the screen. The best bits? Fantastic cameos from Christopher Lee, Paul Whitehouse (perhaps the most amazing bit of the film) and a good supporting role for Ronnie Corbett. Watch the trailer yourself right ‘ere.

‘The Kids Are All Right’ is a hoot – and it is THE film to see this week if you’re not Burk’n'Haring it. Julianne Moore and Annette Bening star as partnered mothers each raising a child by the same sperm donor. Not that the kids know it is Mark Ruffalo, but they soon find out – and then life gets very interesting. A bright, emotional film with real-life resonances and some good laughs. Lisa Cholodenko directs. Watch the trailer here and see what you think?

‘The Hunter’ is an intense, almost dialogue-free allegory on the Iranian political situation concerns a criminal who revolts against authority. (If I tell you any more, it’ll run the surprises.) The director also stars in this hard to watch film that is often slow and boring, but sometimes beautiful.

‘Involuntary’ is a weird but intriguing Swedish dramatic comedy about how we’re all voyeurs. Of course, if you know that, this film – made of 5 different vignettes which do not intertwine – will just seem like life. It has some amusing moments, but no real story. A multi-award winner on the international film festival circuit, though, so there. The trailer is in Swedish but that makes no difference at all.

‘Forbidden’ (1932) is the first of two re-releases of the legendary director Frank Capra. This one stars the fabulous Barbara Stanwyck who had to be taken to court to play this role as a librarian who falls for a married man on a ocean cruise. Why is it melodrama from a man such as Capra? This is what he said: “I wrote an “original” story, Forbidden…I had yet to learn that drama is not really just actors weeping and suffering all over the place. It isn’t drama unless the audiences are emotionally moved.”But great performances anyway – even if Stanwyck injured her back being thrown from a horse during filming – and it features an early role of Ralph Bellamy, who went on to be one of the rich old guys in ‘Trading Places’ (You can also rent Capra films here.) See the trailer!

‘It Happened One Night’ is a better known Capra film, notable for its stars Clarke Gable and Claudette Colbert, a spoiled heiress who daringly raises her skirt to hitch a ride. This is an amazing film – pacy and talkative – which, if it were made today, would be a huge hit. It won all five of the major Oscars of its year. (It is ALWAYS better on the big screen but you can rent it here.)

‘Saw (3D)’ Trailer if you dare? And the last piece of the puzzle is YOU! Whodathunkit? Go ahead, and click on the official site. If you’re a fan, you’ll love this. If not, erm, you won’t. “From the beginning, you’ve watched others suffer…” So, now it is OUR TURN. Is this the real end of the most successful horror franchise ever? Let’s hope so, otherwise Daniel Radcliffe will end up playing in the remake 50 years from now.

‘Out of the Ashes’ a nice cricket documentary executive produced by Sam Mendes who was married to Kate Winslet. (You should see ‘Wonderous Oblivion’ if you really like cricket – get that here). This is a really quite good doco about the Afghan cricket team’s attempt to reach the World Cup. Very cool.

‘Spiderhole’ – squatters rights & wrongs.  Atmospheric Irish horror, with gorgeous young students, etc.  See the trailer (predictable?) Official site here. Standard low-budget fare; cinematography pretty nice. Is it Halloween and nobody told me?

‘This Prison Where I Live’ an oddball lumpen documentary highlighting  Burmese comedian sentenced to prison for 35 years. Important topic. Clumsily handled. No laughing matter. See the trailer: Yes, no one does know there are comedians in Germany or Burma, true.

Pricey’s autobiography number four…eh?!

We take it Katie Price’s stylist had a day off yesterday when the ole’ tart launched her latest autobiography – number four, YES, FOUR!! And we still haven’t thumbed a page of the first one because quite frankly, as Gino our Ice Cream Van Man used to say “You no care for the sauce” and we’d answer, “correct Gino, just nuts please”.

But anyway, sod the book, we’re still trying to work out the ‘sexy secretary’ meets ‘Ladies Day at Ascot’ look – that’s if ladies at Ascot look like chavs in specs with a bit of satin and patent thrown in for that air d’cheap.

Fame hungry, boring the tits and arse off us…Who? Katie Price? Never.

Superhero duck pouts this way please…

Does this shot of Chris Evans as Captain America: The First Avenger, remind you of anyone??….*taps fingers on desk*

It’s all in the pout dahling…it’s all in the pout.

Courtney’s back..and you won’t be disappointed

And there we were thinking all those lovey-dovey pics of the coked-up, make-up smeared, trashed-eyed, hair by tramps-r-us Hole front lady, posing with dug-up Kurt Cobain were Courtney Love going all normal on us.

Naw…look below..

She’s back! Giving us the ole’ finger….and all is well with the world again *breathes in and out with a feeling of contentment and a smile*.

And then as if that wasn’t enough…she bent over and revealed where Madge’s chicken cutlets have disappeared to.

Oh Courtney, that’s enough spoiling us for once week.

Halloween Vid Warning: Don’t watch this if you’re scared of children

We can’t speak. It’s like we’ve been taken over by a higher spirit – called gin.

Because after you see this video below…you’ll need one too.

This is apparently a little yank child called Ava Grace – but we think she’s more a cross between an old man and a character from “Children of the Corn” – cute or creepy? Er, we’ll go for creepy thanks.

Did we ever tell you how happy we are to live in Great Britain..and nowhere NEAR the deep South of America-land and baby worshipping. *draws curtains and hides in corner*

MySpace’s new logo is our hot mess of the day

Another social mecca of the interweb, which runs alongside those other pedo playgrounds, Facebook and TwitterMySpace, is attempting to woo users back to its site after basically being a bit sh*t for ages now – by launching a brand, spanking new site and logo.

What do we think? Are you clicking as we speak and ditching all your tweeters in favour of a MySpace love-in?

Er, nope, neither are we. Pretty crap isn’t it?

And just in case you can’t work out how to navigate buttons like ‘play movie’, here’s a guide on how to use the new site featuring lots of background dance music to make you think it’s uber hip. WOW…this is far too much excitement for one day eh.

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