Archive for February 28, 2011

A unicorn in a pink triangle..yes, tis Gaga’s vid

Oh Gaga, put it away love, we’ve seen it all before.

Here is seven minutes of Madonna‘s rip-off chick in the newly released video for ‘Born This Way’ which shows Lala in the usual mix of outlandish costumes, skeletal facial paint, and her kecks. Blah de blah and blah again. The vid takes place on “a government owned alien territory in space” where Lala pulls something out of her vajeen which then becomes a Christ-like figure in the form of CaCa.

Oh and spot the cameo from Thierry Mugler tattooed muse Rick Genest, who also appeared in the recent Mugler Menswear campaign and catwalk show, styled by Creative Director Nicola Formichetti, who also just so happens to be Gaga’s stylist too. Now isn’t that just a big ole coincidence!

Anywayyyyy, watch it below innit…

Sam Attwater Nekkid. That. Is. All

Dancing on Ice contestant Sam Attwater has posed nekkid for the April edition of Cosmopolitan magazine (on sale 1st March if you want to get your grubby lil’ hands on it, and remember a box of tissues too).

Here’s an ‘almost’ full frontal of him all wet and smouldering like below (if only his bloody kecks weren’t hanging in the way).

Is Mel B still with slim shady?

Isn’t the menopause a bitch. Mel B, aka Scary Spice Memaw, still popping the hormones and still wearing hideous outfits like this grey belted catsuit and hat thing, and still hanging out with her skeezy ass hubby/boyf/whatever Stephen Belafonte who always makes me want to say Harry and strikes me as one of those guys that spends hours and hours on the computer while former Spice is asleep. You know the type.

Her facial expression is doing exactly what mine did when I first saw this image and thought I had stumbled across Paula Abdul and MC Skat Kat circa 1989….before Paula started that whole Vicodin stutter thing and got free frou frou for American Idol.

I wonder what Eddie Murphy thinks when he sees Scary has taken over the crazy reigns (she was his beard after all), I imagine it goes something like “I could care less since she named my damn kid after a Starbucks beverage” (that’d be Phoenix Chi then).

Kate Lawson – Editor, Showbiz-i

Follow Kate @katelawson_

And again…why aren’t Suri’s legs covered?!!

At least she’s wearing a jacket, even if it is unzipped, because you just know Suri has a deal with every fashion house like Miu Miu or Chanel to plug the entire outfit; and that slip of material in minus-fucking freezing temperatures probably costs more than all of Tommy‘s vagina replacement surgery. So yes, Suri is totally modelling that full ‘look’ because she cares about high fashion in all kinds of weather, which is strange….because we can’t quite work out what’s with the trailer-park like Brit Brit FUGGS? Or why her legs JUST AREN’T COVERED AGAIN?!! Katie Robot better watch out, she’s lucky Suri hasn’t done a clt+alt+delete on her ass yet, via her iPad.

Hot sluts of the day: Male Mods in Trunks

Hello Frankie Morello S/S 11 campaign featuring boys in skimpy undergarments and some trainers. If we say WE LIKE, we’ll sound like perve-monsters, so, WE LIKE.

Happy Monday!

What in the hell kinda Oscars get-up??

Nicole Kidman may have looked in the mirror earlier this year and said out loud, “My name is Nicole Kidman and I am a BOTOX user”, but her surfboard forehead ACTUALLY twitched last night as she rocked up avec a ponytail (next season’s hair trend) and a dress by Dior that made her look like she’d just ask Keith to roll her in a few table clothes and the christmas table runner et voila…red carpet embroidery mush.

“Heh Honey, did you remember the lace doilies for the party?” (Melissa Leo in Marc Bouwer. No. Just. No).

Was Sharon Stone auditioning for Twilight? That scarily high bouffant (gawd knows how many bottles of Elnett they used), her severe schalp, and one-shoulder funeral chic gown with frou frou feather detailing, was more vamp than Kristen Stewart could ever be. Oops, *spoiler alert*….er, that doesn’t happen in Breaking Dawn, honestly.

And finally, Fishticks Paltrow just rocked up as the Oscar statuette in a shiny champagne /gold Calvin Klein column dress with a geometric neckline.

She’s a cuntry singer now you know, which is why along with Celine Dion‘s warble of “Smile” during the Oscars ‘In Memoriam’ segment last night, 2011 is turning out to be the year of the mute button. And in other Celine news, there was only one person wearing more make-up on the red carpet than her and all the other starlets…embalming make-up that is…say hi to Celine’s hubby Rene Angelil…who also seriously needs to look into borrowing one of Anne Hathaway‘s wigs.

Kate Lawson – Fashion Editor, Showbiz-i

Follow Kate @katelawson_

Oscars…Le Best Dressed

Stevie Wonder‘s “The Woman In Red” is still playing on a loop in my head after seeing last night’s Oscar Red Carpet which was just that, FULL OF RED!

Two of my faves were Sandra Bullock who went for a bright rouge strapless Vera Wang train gown and Oscar Host Anne Hathaway made my eyes do a double-take simply because she ditched her usual fondness for Armani Prive and opted to go radiant in a strapless Valentino taffeta gown (which was almost as bright a hue as the designer’s year-round tan when he appeared alongside the actress for some pap opps).

Moving away from the stand-out colour (get ready for a flurry of lipstick red cocktail dresses on the high street this Summer), ScarJo opted for a sexy figure-hugging magenta Dolce and Gabbana floor-length lace gown, which she teamed up with a cropped style bed-head which wasn’t so red carpet as ‘just-woke-up-and-I’m-late-for-work. Still, she made up for the messy hair by rocking Anna Hu bling and Loubout‘s (even though we couldn’t see them).

Best Actress Nominee and now winner, Natalie Portman stepped out in a deep purple, off-the-shoulder draped gown by Kate and Laura Mulleavy of Rodarte, who also designed the costumes for “Black Swan” – nice of her to give them a nod. Bling was provided by Swarovski and her peep-toes were Jimmy Choo.

Cate Blanchett went down the couture route in Givenchy designed by Riccardo Tisci. Her pleated pale-wisteria dress featured embroidered pearls and crystals covered in leather with a swath of yellow bead detailing around the neckline; it was different, but it worked.

Michelle Williams opted for a departure from her usual girlie frills style, with a sleek, sheath-style cream embellished Chanel column dress, accessorised with Harry Winston diamond stud earrings and ring bling. She’s still doing the pixie look and she’s still cute. The End.

Choosing a Brit designer on a night which was all about the Brits, the Queen herself, Helen Mirren looked stunning in a silk grey Vivienne Westwood Couture gown, accessorising with a satin Ferragamo clutch and Sergio Rossi heels. As one E! Online reporter said “When you’re old, this is how to do the red carpet”. Seriously, someone sack that presenter (and while they’re at it, Kelly Osbourne too).

‘Arf’ of the night goes to Helena Bonham Carter (or Garter as I now prefer to call her), who didn’t shock this time with mis-matching shoes as she did at the GG, or yet another eccentric frock that could have come straight from her Harry Porter wardrobe; but did opt to make her own dress with the help of costume designer Colleen Atwood, and finished it off by tying a Union Jack flag to her calf. Bless her and her CRAZY mop of hair.

But the hottest hot chick of the night (and yes, still my girl crush), was Mila Kunis, who slinked up in a low-cut, lingerie-style Elie Saab dress in lavender with lace detailing. The 2011 Couture gown was apparently chosen by the actress on the day, with the star telling E! Online,”This was one of the first dresses we tried on a month ago. Then today, it was a toss-up between this dress and another dress, and this one won.” Hurrah for that!

Kate Lawson – Fashion Editor, Showbiz-i

Follow Kate @katelawson_

Yeah but, Satan still wouldn’t….

Taylor Momsen would flash her taint for Satan, according to the image above.

The 17-year-old wore a t-shirt that read ‘I F**k For Satan’ at a performance with her band The Pretty Reckless in Toronto, Canada this weekend – because she’s got to get attention somehow now she’s cemented her status as the hardest bish in the playground.

Of course, stumbling around looking like a teen runaway turned heroin-addicted prostitot panda who carries a Courtney Love doll in her Charlie’s Angels lunchbox doesn’t get her ENOUGH ATTENTION right?!

What’s that you said Satan? “You still wouldn’t”…nope, neither would we.

Britney to cover March issue of ‘V’ magazine

So Brit Brit is to cover the March 2011 issue of V, which is weird, because the March issues of most mags are already done and we’ve moved on, plus V doesn’t release on a monthly basis; so let’s just say she’s covering their next Spring/Summer edition instead huh.

According to editor Derek Blasberg, the recent Mario Testino shoot with Brit was for ‘@Vmagazine’s March issue.’ (as per the tweets above). Let’s just hope she covered up her pork rinds and they managed to prize her apart from the largest collection of customised FUGG boots that not even a barefoot crackhead would wear during their darkest (and coldest) hour. Or maybe V will like Brit’s glamorous take on trailer park snatch cutters and maternity camisoles found in bargain bins. Spring/Summer never looked so good!

Expect to see the cover out on March 3.

Kate Lawson – Editor, Showbiz-i

Follow Kate @katelawson_

Joan Collins goes cuntry: No. Just No.

Either the recession was real, or Joan Collins shops in Primark. But her homage to True Grit meets one too many night’s out with Kirstie Alley (below) is all kinds of bad cuntry. Usually the glamazon ambassador of glamour, seems Joan actually shops among the BOGOF rails in Primarni and glides through those aisles full of people who mostly don’t speak Ingerlund’ish, with that blue shopping sack (aka HUGE basket that looks like a fishermen’s keep net) like it was a bloody Birkin.

For someone who said we should only respect people covered in satin, diamonds and sequins…..I’m thinking she’s now changing that to leather, polo necks and cowboy hats, naw? And where is her Vaseline glow? Once upon a wig Joan would’ve flipped hers if anyone dared come within 2 ft of her fishtail without “the glow”.

It’s a look that’s all kinds of ‘I have Hillbilly cousins’ and what the heck, let’s throw a tranny Joan impersonator in there to. And all this from the woman who had every Hollyweird actress scurrying into their mole holes after she said that most of them can’t even hold a candle to one of Ava Gardner‘s boogers. Hmm…..

Kate Lawson – Editor, Showbiz-i

Follow Kate @katelawson_

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